She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize