New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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