I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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