i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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