the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
