she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
