and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize