I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
