i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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