Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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