I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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