In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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