you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize