i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
