Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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