It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
