are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
