I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize