So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
