mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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