Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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