I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
