dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize