Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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