my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
