Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
