omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
