new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
