Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
