You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
