i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
