pop tarts are not kleenex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
