I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
