I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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