final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
