I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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