he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
