i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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