i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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