Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
