i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
