like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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