I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
