My Higher Power is John Stamos
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
