I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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