I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
