Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
