You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
