I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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