After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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