can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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