you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
