I CAN MOONWALK!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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