Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
