Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
