his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
