She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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