If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
