my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
