You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
