im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
