the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize