also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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