Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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