How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
