how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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