fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
