just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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